All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
