He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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