Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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