I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
