Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
