I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
