life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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