hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
