i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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