I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
