apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
