To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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