There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
