wat bout pragnant strippers??
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
