I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
