once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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