I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hippo gnu deer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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