You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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