I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
