exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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