I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want nice things and good sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
