Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
