youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
