if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
