tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
