I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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