thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
