the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we're so committed to being not committed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
