Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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