I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
