The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
