Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
