dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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