Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
