the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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