So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
