In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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