so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
