I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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