just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
