My liver just broke up with me...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
