i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
