I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
