i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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