I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
