dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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