but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Send help, water and tortillas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
