just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
