I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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