i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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