guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
