put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
