i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
