Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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