Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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