why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
