oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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