she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
